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I wish i could hate you.I wish i could blame you for screwing up our lives!You put my life into a deepshit.You made everyone suffer along with you!Sometimes im fucking tired with all this!But you're the one brought me to life,you gave me love and shelters.For 20 years.I cant blame you at all.Just can move on everyday and hope for the best.
I dont want to be like you in future.You failed to be a father but succeed at another side of view.I want to live good in future.Giving everyone i love the best i could.Which is you,mum,bro and venice.I dont want you guys to suffer.I rather suffer alone than seeing you guys suffer along.Especially venice.Cause she will be the one spending the rest of my life with me.I promise you guys to give you the best i can.Im tired with shouting,scoldings,judging,complaining,blaming,lies and etc.
Please talk nicely to me.And stop lying to me.Stop hiding stuffs from me.I can act stupid because i love you.Im willing to bear all the burdens because I LOVE YOU.Please dont let me down no more.


I love you guys very much.

Dear...

Dont wanna say much...
Got time,think how i treat you and cherish you...
Touch your heart and ask deeply to yourself...
You know how much i love you...

...

What can i do you just willing to smile to me like before...
What can i do you just will treat me like before...
Please tell me if you know the answer...

Operation?!

Cant sleep
cant sleep
cant sleep

AWAKE till now!!!!

My mum told me after CNY she need to do operation somewhere near the stomach.She tells me she wont be with me for a long time anymore.She going to leave me soon.Both my parents leaving me soon?If this is fate i will accept it.I need to face this world alone someday.I feel very disturbed and fed-up right now.I couldn't sleep due to all the stuffs happening this few days.If my parents left me,will you give me comfort when i needed it?Will you leave me alone here?My heart tells me you wont.And i hope i'm right.Geezz...Wanted to go for a jog but the rain doesn't seem to stop!!!

Baby,i wish i could talk to you,to listen to your voice ASAP.Im so moody.I cant wait for the time when you call me during your way home tonight.I miss you badly.I wanna hug you badly.Looking forward to see you soon.

ps: Always love you.

Cheese and memories..

Finished up my saltcheese biscuits.Which leave a strong memory to me.Where we bought at ''The Spring'' shopping mall before going to Santubong.You feed me while i was driving.I miss the moments so so much.I could never forget them.I miss the times when you're here.Where i can drive you anywhere we want.
Had porridge for my dinner today.Again reminds me of the memories we had.In Kuching,where i brought you to the market,McDonald's,and at Petaling Street.You love spicy and salty.So you always add more pepper and salt to satisfy your taste.And slowly im following the way you eat.Adding more salt and pepper.I miss them alot.
You told me you went to Titiwangsa.I hope i gave you enough memory there.Where i walk to the station.The moment i went up the stairs.The time where i accompany you home.I wish i could do that with you again if i got the chance.
Just finish giving you a call.Didn't want to talk much since you didn't had enough rest last night due to unhappy stuffs.So i choose to let you sleep earlier.Remember to cover blanket while im not there to help you cover.
Im going to bed soon too.Im going to do mask first.Then head to bed.Waking up around 5 a.m later.Going for a jog at the park where i brought you.
Ok,time to go.Will keep on update.Take care baby.
I love you so much.

ps:I love you baby.Muacks.cc

Shame,forgiveness,regret,chance,love...

5.42 am 25 JAN 2011

The worst day of my life.My whole life came crashing apart.I lost myself.Apart of me is dead.My heart is torn and shattered into pieces.Bleeding till my last breath.
Is this the end for the two of us?Of all the things we've been through,the happy and sweet moments,the joys and laughters.Our dreams and future.Our commitment in getting engaged this year after your graduation,Our planning for future,Our wedding,Our family in future.Is this the end?
I broke your heart.I let you down.I made you cried.
I gave you everything.I gave you my life,my soul.But in the end it seems like whatever i've given you is just nothing.I sacrifice myself for you.Given you everything i could.Trying to give you what i cant.Everything i have im giving to you.But it doesn't seems to be enough.
Im not good enough for you.Im not loving you enough like you love me.You gave me everything.Life and future.You gave me love,comfort,shelter,everything you had.I dint appreciate them.I took them for granted.I suspected you.Complaining you're not giving me enough where as im not giving you anything in return.
I've wasted your golden times.Wasted your energy for being with me.Im such a loser.A worthless piece of crap.Im not worth your love at all.Im really very sorry.
I wish i could turn back time.So i could understand you.To love you the way you really want to be loved.Im really sorry my baby.I hope you could give me a chance to change my mistakes.I had no courage to tell u to ask chances from you in real,because i felt i dont deserve it.But if i could,i really hope you are willing to give me a second chance to make things right.I dont know is that possible.The worst part is we used to hold hands,and now turning to an awkward situation.We've been couples to friend.The feeling,when i can hold your hands while walking with you but i cant.Where i can kiss you and cuddle you but i cant.This part is killing me.I just can hope for the best
I dont know when am i going to receive any messages or calls from you.If im lucky enough to receive any one of them,I'll be very happy and grateful.I dont know we are over or still in a relationship.If we're still in a relationship,i really hope you could give me one more chance to make things right.Think of our happy moments,its a wasted if we just end up like this.Why not we try to make things right one more time.
If this is the end,deeply in my heart,i hope the best for you.I will pray for you.I will let you free if that is what you really want.I will continue love you.Live in the memories between the both of us.Lied to myself to move on everyday.
Dar,if you see this,if you willing to give me a chance to prove to you im your MR.right,text me or give me a call.If you thinks its over,Please...Just text me ''OVER''.I cant withstand the pain.I dont want you to say too much.Just a simple ''OVER'' will do.Its enough to kill me.
Lastly,i still believe you with all my heart.You'll be my one and only.


Waiting for your call which is an angel to me,
Or your ''OVER'' to end.
Whatever decision you make,Im still in love with you.




Daren.

untitled...

Are you afraid of losing me?Are you afraid of goodbyes?
Yes i am.Im afraid of losing you.Im afraid of goodbyes...
Are you tired being with me?
No im not.I never feel tired being with you...

Baby,I love you.I really love you.More than i could ever express.There are things i did for you that you knew.And there are also things i did for you that you don't know.I can and im willing to do anything for you.I really do love you alot.Until i lost myself.Sometimes i don't even know what im saying,what am i suppose to do...
There are times when im unhappy,when im upset,when im angry.But whenever i have these feelings,my heart is also bleeding.So i rather not to be unhappy,upset or angry.If i must to feel these feelings,i will choose to forgive and forget.Because i love you more than anyone.More than myself.I wish i could make you feel happy every moment when you're being with me.I know its impossible.But i never stop trying.
Im trying to give you everything i can.Sometimes,i offended you.Sometimes i pissed you,make you unhappy,moody and maybe make you feel tired.
Im sorry...i dint meant it.Im really sorry.I hope you can forgive me and accept my apology.I just hope everything goes well with you.I don't want to be apart with you.I don't want to be strangers with you.I never want you to become just a memory.I don't want you to be a past.
I want you to be my future.Once again,im really sorry when i make you unhappy,moody and etc.Here,i beg for your forgiveness.

Hunnie...i love you so so much.